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A Cat's Prayer
Lead me down all the right paths,
Keep me from fleas, bees, and baths.
Let me in should it storm,
Keep me safe, fed, and warm.
Let the sun shine where I lay,
Keep me young so I may play.
And most of all ...
Bless the people I adore,
And guard me from the dog next door.
A Poem
All your wondrous wealth of
hair,
Dark and fair,
Silken-shaggy, soft and bright
As the clouds and beams of night,
Pays my reverent hand’s caress
Back with friendlier gentleness.’
-Algernon Swinburne
| Cat's
Age |
Human's
Age |
| 6 months |
10 years |
| 8 months |
13 years |
| 1 year |
15 years |
| 2 years |
24 years |
| 4 years |
32 years |
| 6 years |
40 years |
| 8 years |
48 years |
| 10 years |
56 years |
| 12 years |
64 years |
| 14 years |
72 years |
| 16 years |
80 years |
| 18 years |
88 years |
| 20 years |
96 years |
| 21 years |
100 years |
| It was once thought
that 1 year in the life of a cat was equivalent to 7 years
of a human life. Recently, a new scale has been accepted:
after the first 2 years, the cat's life proceeds more slowly
in relation to human life and each feline year is approximately
4 human years. The general consensus is that at about age
7 a cat can be considered "middle-aged," and age 10 and beyond
"old." |
The Cat's Alphabet
Act
nonchalant
Be comfortable
Control yourself
Discriminate
Explore
Fake what you don't know
Grab at passing opportunities
Have moments of wild abandon
Ignore the ignorant
Jog in your sleep
Knead people
Let it all hang out
Make friends with your neighbors
Nap often
Overstep boundaries
Play with your food
Quit while you're winning
Return to your favorite places
See things others don't
Take your time
Understand human limitations
View things from more than one perspective
Wait at least 60 seconds before responding
xpect only the best
Yawn and stretch at regular intervals
Zzzz in the sunshine
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The Laws of Physics
as Applied to Cats
1 - Law of Cat Inertia
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by
some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby
scurrying mouse.
2 - Law of Cat Motion
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good
reason to change direction.
3 - Law of Cat Magnetism
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion
to the darkness of the fabric.
4 - Law of Cat Thermodynamics
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of
a cat, all heat flows to the cat.
5 - Law of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the
nap just taken.
6 - Law of Cat Sleeping
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position
as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the
cat.
7 - Law of Cat Elongation
A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any countertop,
that has anything remotely interesting on it.
8 - Law of Cat Acceleration
A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and
ready to stop.
9 - Law of Dinner Table Attendance
Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.
10 - Law of Rug Configuration
No rug may remain in its naturally flat state, for very long.
11 - Law of Obediance Resistance
A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for
her to do something.
12 - First Law of Energy Conservation
Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will,
therefore, use as little energy as possible.
13 - Second Law of Energy Conservation
Cats also know that energy can only be stored, by a lot of napping.
14 - Law of Refrigerator Observation
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along
and take out something good to eat.
15 - Law of Electric Blanket Attraction
Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the
speed of light.
16 - Law of Random Comfort Seeking
A cat will will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable
spot in any given room.
17 - Law of Bag / Box Occupancy
All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the
earliest possible nanosecond.
18 - Law of Cat Embarrassment
A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment
times the amount of human laughter.
19 - Law of Milk Consumption
A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he
can.
20 - Law of Furniture Replacement
A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to
the cost of the furniture.
21 - Law of Cat Landing
A cat will always land in the softest place possible.
22 - Law of Fluid Displacement
A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount
of milk consumed.
23 - Law of Cat Disinterest
A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount
of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.
24 - Law of Pill Rejection
Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape
velocity.
25 - Law of Cat Composition
A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.
26 - Law of Selective Listening
Although a cat can hear a can of tuna being opened a mile away,
she can't hear a simple command three feet away.
27 - Law of Equidistant Separation
All cats in a given room will locate at points equidistant from
each other, and equidistant from the center of the room.
28 - Law of Cat Invisibility
Cats think that if they can't see you, then you can't see them.
29 - Law of Space-Time Continuum
Given enough time, a cat will land in just about any space.
30 - Law of Concentration of Mass
A cat's mass increases in direct proportion to the comfort of the
lap she occupies.
31 - Law of Cat Probability (Cat's Uncertainty Principle)
It is not possible to predict where a cat actually is, only the
probability of where she "might" be.
32 - Law of Cat Obedience
As yet undiscovered.
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